The following essay was written by Daniel.  This essay was entered in a couple of school contests.  It won an honorable mention in a contest at his school.

Please note: This essay appears exactly as it was written.

Wouldn't it be great if...pain didn't exist.

Pain something that comes and goes, not for some people, I know that all too well.  My pain started on May 13, 1995.  I awoke that morning only to discover along tirless road ahead of me, the doctors said Wings Scapula. That's where your shoulder blade turns out instead of in.  I also learned that my shoulder blade was the least of my problems, the will to get up, that is my struggle, I ask myself every morning if it is worth living a life of pain. I still really haven't answered that question for myself, one reason I get up is that if I don't, I know this thing has beat me and that's not the way I want to go.

Many things can be said about people with pain in their lives their strong or their courageous they make look strong but they are hurting inside because nobody understands them.  I can relate to that, in my mind nobody understands the way I am.  Pain is a new and yet an old part of my life.

I have named every year I have had this "thing" 1995 is called the Starting.  1996 is called the year of Pick and prod and 1997 is the year of the Misery.  I have seen many doctors it would boggle the mind how many I have seen.  Most doctors are baffled at my strange illness and tell me to go home, so what's the point, the point is there is no point pain is a thoughtless thing.  It occurs to me that pain is something to tell you that you are alive and boy do I know I'm alive.

In my travels to various doctors I have learned that most doctors don't like to put you in pain but sometimes they do.  I think people that have been in pain are the best doctors because they can relate to the patient. I go to the doctors about 8 times a month, for acupuncture, swim therapy and for many things.  Sadly enough other people suffer like I do.

Friends are something I don't take for granted, I have two very special friends one of those friends is Steve Palermo he taught me to keep going, the other is Dr. Z he has taught me to be kind.  They above all have taught me to stay fighting.  The lessons I have learned are probably the most important in my life.  So you could say I have an odd life but I would say no, its my ordinary life.

I have developed ways to deal with pain, my favorite way is to read.  Reading is something that I love to do it allows me to escape my pain.  I also like to dream, it sllows me to gain control in my life.  Writing is something that allows me to open and up and share what I know.  It may be stupid but being alone is something I like, it lets me think of the good things in life.

One big adjustment I have had to make is giving up sports, I played all kinds of sports.  Soccer was my favorite and I was pretty good at it.  Then I got sick and had to give it up, it hurt me to watch soccer if I wasn't playing because I loved it.  My second favorite sport is baseball, that game was always fun, but that is in the past now the only sports I play are in books and magazines.  The year's I had playing were the best of my life because I know that I was untouchable, but in my case that was only an illusion, because my life was shattered in the blink of an eye.

School life has changed drastically, I cannot participate in GYM and have to leave class 5 minutes early so I don't get bumped around in the halls.  This changed has been hard because of curious eye's in my classroom, explaining a thing like this to my peers is hard they don't understand what I'm going thru.  Now they know because of teachers warning them not to touch me, that can be very uncomfortable to stand there and have a teacher talk about you.  This illness has also prevented me from joining band, I would have liked to played an instrument but that won't happen like so many other things in my life.

To the question "Wouldn't it be great?" yes, it would be great if there was no pain in the world.  Although if that were to happen the world would be a very inhumane because the feeling of sympathy would be all most totally erased.  I would love to go one day with out pain. Pain in its purist form hurts badly, if only it could be helped, yes there are medicines but those are only for relief not a full cure.  I know that well I have been on hundreds of medicines since I got this illness, many medicines don't live up to the sound of their name.  The relief I have found is acupuncture, based on the Chinese version of needles and pressure points to relieve pain.  Many people are speculate to the idea of acupuncture, that it goes againist religion but to me it helps a lot and without it ever week I do not know what I would do.  My doctor and friend Dr. Z has helped me through it all even if it wasn't convenient for him. So in a few words I would like to thank him for his graciousness to me and my pain.

I think it would be great if there was no pain in the world, then I would have a normal life but that won't happen, so I can always keep up my hope's and believe that only good days lie ahead of me.

My life can be summed up in one word pain.  It is a word that has so much meaning for me I could tell tales about pain but I will leave you with this, life is precious get up and live it and never under any circumstances give up.

Daniel Slaten
copyright © 1997